Stupid
by derp for brains
Summary: Itachi is an Uchiha. An Uchiha that wiped out his clan. Why did he wipe them out? Maybe he was fed up. Maybe he had nothing to do. Maybe...it was irony.


Stupid…

At the Uchiha manor, 13-year-old Uchiha Itachi was fixing up a turkey sandwich with cheese. Done preparing, he put it on a rather small plate and wandered off to the kitchen table and started to devour his sandwich. Finishing up the last bite he washed his plate and went into the living room to watch his limited edition Fooly Cooly DVD Box set. However, the minute he turned the TV on, it exploded, leaving his face charred.

"Stupid Uchiha televisions…" he muttered as he carried the broken TV off to the trashcan.

"Guess I'll have to buy a new one…" he sighed, heading towards the electronics superstore 'TVs R Us'.

As soon as he touched the doorknob to the store, he felt his stomach twist and turn. "Ah, stupid Uchiha turkey and cheese!" With that, he turned on his heel and limped to the doctor's.

Itachi grimaced at the sign stuck to the door that read, "We molest your children while you wait!" But he limped inside nonetheless. As soon as he wandered inside, a doctor with a Richard Nixon mask greeted him. "Hello, hello sir! I am doctor Uchiha! What do you need me for? And by that, we mean, how do you want me to molest your children?"

Itachi's stomach twisted again. "I…have no…children…I'm thirteen!"

Dr. Uchiha gasped. "So YOU want to be molested?"

"NO DAMMIT! I NEED A PRESCRIPTION (even though I didn't have a treatment or anything… I don't care)!" snarled Itachi.

"Oh, that's the most expensive molesting…item!" Dr. Uchiha replied, apparently ignoring Itachi's plea for an actual prescription. "You'll have to go to the nearest brothel…" Itachi interrupted him.

"AN ACTUAL PRESCRIPTION!"

The doctor stared at him blankly for a while until he finally got the picture. "O-OH! You mean like a referral thingy?"

Itachi smacked his forehead. "I don't know how the HELL you got your doctor's degree… But yes, a referral 'thingy'."

"Ah, but it comes at a price!" Dr. Uchiha said, winking perversely.

"There is no freaking way I'm ever getting molested, or raped, for that matter!" Itachi said, once again clutching his stomach in pain.

Dr. Uchiha then held up a finger. "I have an idea! Get me three children and bring them here! _Then_ you'll get your referral thingy!"

Itachi nodded reluctantly after a moment and wandered off to the playground to look for. "Stupid Uchiha doctor…"

In the sandbox sat Itachi's cousins: Ryuu, Ryuuko, and Ryuuha, the Dragon brothers everyone called them. Itachi greeted the trio. "Hey guys…"

They all looked up at him and at the same time replied, "Hey, cousin Itachi!"

"Listen, I heard there's free candy at Dr. Uchiha's place…" Itachi said, who thought he knew their gullibility.

The brothers all shook their heads at the same time. "No way! Dr. Uchiha only wants to molest us!"

Itachi clutched at his stomach again as it roared in pain. "Ugh…"

The brothers, watching this, said in response to their observations, "Do you need a prescription, is that why?"

"Yeah…" Itachi grumbled as he tried to regain his composure.

The brothers then pondered for a minute. "Then make _them_ go." They said, gesturing towards three other children, who looked giddy and like they were in a state of insanity. "They're always willing to sacrifice themselves. Besides, Dr. Uchiha likes them the most. Be careful though, cousin Itachi, because they've been watching _Daffy_ cartoons…"

With that Itachi limped over to the 'daffy' trio. "Hey kids, Dr. Uchiha's got candy at his place…"

At that statement, they became even more wilder. "Gotta catch us first!"

Itachi was a little bewildered. "I didn't even say… Sigh, oh well… _Katon Yubiwa!_" said Itachi as a ring of fire surrounded the three little daffy kids.

They stopped at sight of the surrounding fire. "Aww…"

"Okay let's go…" Itachi commanded, lifting his fire ninjutsu. Under his breath Itachi added, "Stupid Uchiha kids…"

Back at Dr. Uchiha's, Itachi delivered the three kids. "Here are your victims… Now can I have my referral form, please?"

Dr. Uchiha threw his hands up in the air. "Oh no! I didn't say to just bring the kids here! I want you to show me your child molesting skills! Yeah!"

Itachi rolled his eyes in extreme annoyance. "Just GIVE ME MY PRESCRIPTION!"

"Skills first!" Dr. Uchiha shook his head.

"That's it!" A bat suddenly appeared in his hands.

Dr. Uchiha was thrilled. "You use tools in molesting children too? So do I!"

Itachi, with all his fury and stomach pain, swung his bat upward so it literally obliterated the perverted doctor's crotch and so it sent him rocketing into orbit. Itachi then snatched a small paper with the sign "Referral Thingy" written on it by the doctor and wrote what he wanted. "I'll be off now…"

At the pharmacy, Itachi gave the pharmacist his prescription. The pharmacist looked at it and said, "I'm sorry sir but we're out of that one, so if you want you can expect another shipment from 7-9 weeks!"

Itachi twitched. "No…thanks anyway…but do you have anything else?"

The pharmacist shook his head. "Sorry, but basically everything's out of stock!"

Itachi twitched again. "But that's not possible! There's a shelf full of stuff right behind you!"

"Oh no, those are all laxatives. They're all many different flavors!"

Itachi clutched his stomach once more before twitching. "Gotta get outta here…"

"Stupid Uchiha pharmacy…" Itachi wandered outside and walked around a little more before stepping in a certain part of the pavement that wasn't so significant until you stepped in it. His foot sunk into the ground as the cement devoured it. Soon Itachi found himself in the sewers. "Stupid Uchiha pavement!"

After wandering around for a while, Itachi used his _Goukakyuu Grand Fireball_ to blow a hole out off the sewers. He found himself in front of 'TVs R Us' again. Deciding to settle this once and for all, Itachi goes into the shop and asks the clerk, "Can I get an Uchiha Television?"

The clerk nodded and replied, "50,000 yen, please!"

All the color drained from Itachi's face. He didn't have nearly enough money to buy for this thing! He didn't even know that these things cost so much! 50,000 yen for a TV that probably doesn't work? Itachi suddenly backed out of the store and went back to the Uchiha manor, labeling several things in his mind stupid, all of them relating to Uchiha people and merchandise.

Sitting at the kitchen table once more, Itachi made a note to self, "I'm going to kill off my entire clan! Because they're stupid! Everything relating to the Uchiha clan is stupid! Except for me… Yeah! I'm going to wipe my entire clan off the Konoha clan listings! I'm killing off my entire clan…tomorrow! Because today…is Friday! And I want to dye Sasuke's hair white! Besides…I gotta…get some…sleep…" Itachi mumbled before dozing off.

If Itachi had looked at the calendar, he would've seen that this Friday was no _ordinary_ Friday, but it was Friday the 13th, oooh! Scaaary! The massacre of the Uchiha clan could've been avoided if only Itachi wasn't so ignorant… So yeah, it was all just a matter of bad luck! Either that or every Uchiha in town except Itachi was stoned. Poor Itachi, he was a victim of circumstance!

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this short one-shot fic! By the way, _Katon Yubiwa _translatesto Fire Ring, I think, so yeah! L8r, ppl!**


End file.
